When taking a leisurely stroll through the Student Union building at the University of Akron you can't help but to notice the drifters. Their eyelids droop, their heads start bobbing like a fishing lure, and their personal belongings are up for grabs as they call out for a new owner. (I'm free! I'm free! Please take me!)
Stop. Do you really want to fall asleep in public? Let alone a college campus with hundreds of people walking by you and all thinking the same things. (What could we possibly do to make this person's life exciting today?) 1. Don't be so trusting. Not everyone is that kind-hearted soul such as yourself. If you want to take a nap, go to your pimpmobile, spread out across that shag carpet you got from the side of the road, and lock the door.
Quit It. 1. As much as I like to study your uvula and take close-up photos for future reference in anatomy, CLOSE YOUR MOUTH! Seriously, you're just setting yourself up for a photo shoot. 2. As much as you like to think your backpack is safe with your leg through the strap, its not. We can still always rip your leg off and run away. Or if we happen to be smart enough, unzip the bag. (Oooh, I call dibs on laptop!) 3. If you don't stop snoring I'm gonna shove my dirty sock into your mouth. As much as I love to study to the sound of your growling and yelling at a monster, I'm sure other students feel differently.
Yes, you! You know when you fall asleep in public because when you suddenly begin to fall and jerk yourself awake getting whiplash, there are always those eyes that happen to be directed towards you. If you happen to have a horrible taste in your mouth it means people were attempting to shut you up, but didn't feel like wasting a sock. So please, I beg of you. For your own sake, don't go to sleep in a public area.
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